One thing that has amazed me over the years is God’s faithfulness to me. For the greater part of my God story, things have worked like this: we’re on good terms, then I get caught up in living my life, then I find myself really sad/lonely/depressed, then I get angry at God, then I realize that he never left me in the first place.
Over the last year, my faith has really been strengthened, and I think I have matured some in areas that wouldn’t have been possible to develop without the break that made me give up my plans and hopes for a “perfect” future. Every time that I felt like I was at the end of my rope, He finds me. I reach the end of what I can do, and I get really sad, and then God provides me with the exact thing that I need. In the past couple of months, this has been via e-mails, phone calls, mail deliveries, skype sessions, and divine inspiration.
I left work today feeling really lonely. I haven’t really seen anyone outside of work the whole week except for one friend when I went to zumba on Tuesday. I haven’t had any phone calls for a while, and I haven’t really felt like making any either. I want to know that you all remember me, that you’re reading my blog and praying for me and watching over my life, even if I am living hundreds or thousands of miles away. Feeling like my friends and family are just on the other side of a screen helps in the smallest way to make this empty home feel the slightest bit fuller. I want to invite guests into my living room to come and dwell with me, and to have friends who live each day with me. Patience, patience. I’m still learning.
So today, my lovely friend Diane commented on the blog, a sign that someone is reading what I write. (And yes, I do know there are more of you who read this. Really). Best of all, though, was a 2 1/2 hour conversation on skype with two of my best friends since high school. Those girls warm my heart and make this place full of love and laughter. It is awesome that they get to live together this year, and I’m a little jealous that I can’t share that experience with them. But I know I’m here for a reason and I see little bits of life settling here. God gave me what I needed via relationships that mean a lot to me, and now I’m heading off to bed, feeling much better than I did on my drive home.
Now I have to figure out if I’m going to drive up to Seattle for the design festival on Saturday like I want to…or stay home and work on my curtain and pillow projects. Driving in cities scares me, and the traffic up the 5 makes me scrunch my nose in disgust, yet the event looks like it’d be pretty awesome. Sigh. Decisions, decisions.
Eh. They’ll still be there to make in the morning.